My heart is hurting...

I had an early miscarriage in mid February at 5 weeks, after TTC for about 6 months. This month has been a roller coaster of good and bad. I thought I may have conceived again, but got my period. Which was a bit of a relief, just because I wanted at least one cycle before TTC again... but still the excitement of possible rainbow was so prominent that when the test was a BFN it hurt a little.

My husband doesn’t like to talk about it very much, but I need to. He did ask me last night if I wanted a Mother’s Day gift or to celebrate... although a sweet gesture and thoughtful, it really caught me by surprise and made me sad. We will be hosting both our families over for Mother’s Day this year and I’m hoping I can hold it together.

My heart aches so much to think how my body would be right now, or what my symptoms would be, had I not miscarried. I want to TTC again and I want more than anything to get that BFP again... but I’m also so scared. Has anyone read any books or anything to help them?