Please feel free to not read this. It’s pretty long. I just wanted to get it out of my chest. . .

I fully miscarried at 4.5 weeks on December 6, 2017. I only knew I was pregnant for a week and it still hurts a lot to this day. I don’t understand how it can hurt this much when I wasn’t even far along. It makes no sense to me, and especially not to the people around me. I want to cry almost all the time when I think about the what if’s. I already had major depression. But knowing I was going to have a baby had actually made me happy. Happier than I had ever been. I’ve wanted a baby for the longest time, but didn’t feel quite ready. So being pregnant wasn’t a mistake, it was one the best surprises. To have lost that, was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And I’ve felt a lot of pain in my life. Everybody says it happened for a reason or you’re strong. But how does that help when you’re the reason and you’re not strong enough to move on.