What should I do?


So I am bipolar. And I have major anxiety issues. I'm 20, almost 21. Growing up, My mom ignored it even though my Dad had the same issues and he was on medication. So I've been without medicine and I've learned to keep my issues at a livable level. Basically I internalize everything lol. But I have a track record of dating huge asshole who are mentally and physically absuive. So when we argue, its a huge, explosive thing. Which comes natural to me because, well, bipolar. I try to keep it down but when I have someone yelling at me, well you know. Okay that's besides the point; anyways. I met a guy who is really sweet and has no issues. So the couple of times we fought, I get into yelling he is mode but he is so calm and talks through things and he's taught me to compromise and that not everything has to be so extreme and I'm so thankful for him. He doesnt understand my emotions but he tries and hes so sweet. Alright so here's the issue. Ive been going through a lot of manic episodes at night, which will then lead to a depressive episode and it really has no point; its not directed at anything. But my boyfriend always thinks its directed at him. Like last night he wanted to lay in bed and read and have time to himself (we live together by the way. It's been a month and it has been wonderdul) which is FINE. He deals with a lot at work and I can be a lot to handle. But I got in a mood and got sad and started crying over literally nothing and he felt it was directed at him because he wanted to decompress but no matter how much I told him wasn't, that I was just overcome with emotions, he felt the need to put his book down and comfort me. I feel so bad because it wasn't directed at him at all. And no matter how I explain my bipolar disorder to him, he still does it. How can I assure him that its not towards him and that sometimes I just get sad? This is so all over the place I'm sorry I hope this makes sense.