so I haven't been on <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a> in a very long time. last time I was on, my ex and i were trying to conceive. I have endometriosis and PCOS so we were having difficulty obviously. my periods were few and far between, I was overweight and depressed because I have wanted a baby since my first miscarriage 7 years ago. well he was heartbroken and tired of trying so we split up and he moved away. that was 9 months ago.

I hadn't had sex since, until a month ago.

at one point I was looking into single parent adoption.

sidenote:

In that 9 months, I lost 30 lbs, my periods are regular and on time! and I am much happier.

An old FWB had split with the mother of his son a couple months prior, because she was cheating. well we started hanging out and eventually having sex.

it's been fun and we get along great. I'm kind of crushing on him. we had a talk last week about my past sexual abuse and my limitations, he hugged me said it's ok and I can always talk to him and to never allow him to make me feel uncomfortable. then cuddled up with me till he fell asleep.

then this week he tells me that his ex is 4 months pregnant and that he thought he had already told me that. I got irrationally irritated and after a half hour of small talk, made up an excuse to leave. after having a million conversations in my head with him over this, I picked a fight telling him I don't want drama and his life was turning into an episode of Jerry Springer.

He asked me to come back so we could talk.

then he told me that no matter what they weren't getting back together and that he wasn't even sure yet if the baby is his. anyways we talked some more in depth and then had amazing angry make up sex.. and dang someone should have told me bout that shit sooner.. 🙌🤩😂

confusing part: I think I am falling for

my fwb, I don't know how he feels. but when we had sex last night, he did NOT pull out. like hold me there while we came together..

and I told him if he was worried about it to get the plan b pill because he already knows how I feel about wanting to be a mom. he said not to worry because he's not. I'm confused about what he means.

someone help me sort this out. my head is spinning. sorry for the long post. just internally freaking out