So. About 2 weeks ago me and my partner found out we were expecting our first child. I calculated when I conceived and that would have made me 10Wks when I’d taken the test. All was well. We told our family and close friends and the excitement started to kick in. We are expecting. Now I know we shouldn’t have got our hopes up TOO much until my first scan. But last Wednesday I went to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital just to check everything was okay and make sure baby was fine. So I went, they did me an ultrasound but couldn’t see anything. Then they told me to empty my bladder as they were going to do the internal scan. So I got myself ready and she explained to me what would happen etc. During this scan she couldn’t see anything. But didn’t explain much. She started looking in my tubes to rule out an ectopic (I’m guessing) She told me not to worry because it looked like it was too early to see anything just yet so she sent me for a blood test.

That evening I got a call to say that my HCG levels were 135 which didn’t tell them much but it looked as if it was too early in the pregnancy. So it looks as if I’ve ovulated later than I thought. She told me to go back on Friday and have my bloods taken again to see if my levels are increasing. So I went back around the same time and had them done again. I waited anxiously all day for them to call and nothing... so at about 7pm had a little bit of blood. Nothing too major. But I started to panic. So I called them and after 20minutes of trying to get through to the correct person they finally found someone who could tell me my results. She found my results. My HCG levels had decreased. To 40 in 48 hours. My heart broke. No. My heart shattered into a million pieces. It’s happening. A miscarriage is coming. So here is my story in pictures.

My first lot of positives 👌 we are pregnant!!

My line kept on getting darker 😍🤰🏼

After my first appointment. I took a clear blue and this was the result. I didn’t care. We are still PREGNANT 😍

And then this was the dreaded day.

My first bit of blood. Not too much so not too worry. So I thought.

After my phone call to the hospital. It got worse.

Further into the night. I felt this wetness. No pain just wetness so I grabbed some kitchen roll and wiped. To this. Why was this happening to me 💔

Today (EASTER SUNDAY) the pain really kicked in. The pictures below are what a miscarriage is. What a miscarriage consists of. It’s the 4 blood filled pads that you use in 2 hours. It’s the baby wipes and the mass of toilet roll you go through. It’s the showers and baths you use to help you feel less grotty because you’ve bled all over yourself and your bedsheets. It’s the pain that makes you lie and not move because it’s too painful. It’s the tiredness and the nausea you go through because you’re exhausted with the pain and in too much pain to eat.

Here are the realities of a miscarriage.

That’s blood off my foot. I had bled all over myself when I’d gotten out of the bath.

This is all from this morning only. Four pads used in 2 hours.

Why me. Why us. Why anyone?

I’m sorry that this is such a long post. And a graphic post. But this is my reality and even though my SO has been such a love. Taking care of me and hugging me and just loving me. I needed to get this out to other ladies that have been through this and to tell you that you’re not alone. We are in this together and we will get our chance to become mothers, whether that’s the first time mums, or the tenth time. No one should have to suffer a miscarriage alone. It’s a dark place to be in. Feeling so helpless.

Thank you for reading my post.

❤️❤️❤️