I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost eight months. He means a lot to me, because he got me out of a really unhealthy relationship (mentally and physically), so I'll always be grateful to him for that. Our relationship was amazing in the beginning. He made me happy as hell without trying. I loved him, and I felt loved back.

But now, I'm not so sure. You know that feeling when you love someone so much to the point where every single little thing they do impacts you tremendously? Thats me right now. And I hate that I let him effect me so much, its pathetic.

I love him so, so much. But I worry that he doesn't love me back anymore, or that I may be holding him back, or just something of that matter. Like what if he wants to break up with me, but just doesn't have the guts to do so?

The idea of breaking up with him terrifies me because he's the only person that makes me genuinely happy anymore. He used to make my depression better and I self harmed less as well. But he has depression and self harms as well. His depression seems to have gotten worse lately and its impacting me so much because I love him and just want him to be happy. He's not opening up to me anymore either. He used to tell me things, but now all of a sudden he won't tell me anything because he doesn't want to drag me into his problems since it doesn't involve me. Then he straight out said when other people get involved, it makes the situation worse. I respect that, but it still hurts, haha. He acts differently now, too. He never says I love you back anymore, but I pretend to not notice.

Honestly it hurts so much because when I say it aloud, I realize how obvious it is that he probably lost interest in me. And it sucks because he's my only source of happiness and quite frankly my only reason to live anymore. Without him I have no motivation whatsoever to even bother trying in life with anything and instantly get suicidal thoughts.

I just really want everything to go back to the way it used to be. I hate our current relationship and the current him. I wish everything, like him and our relationship as a whole, could just go back to the way it used to be.

But I got two different types of advice from two friends. One of my friends was saying how I need to talk to him/open up to him about how I feel. Another friend said that I'm hurting myself over him too much and that I should just break it off if I'm not happy.

So... I'm leaning more towards talking to him. Maybe he feels the same way?? I feel like I should just talk it out before I do anything big like breaking up.

So, I need advice on how to talk to him/bring up the conversation. Please keep in mind that were both young (under 18) and both have depression as well as self harm. And if you have different advice, its appreciated. Thank you truly to anyone that helps 💕