alright so, I've decided to share this here because I want to get it off of my chest to someone other than my parents. In february, my (now ex) boyfriend gave me a pot brownie without telling me that it wasnt just a normal brownie. 🤦🏽‍♀️ So whatever was in it triggered a bad panic attack because I had never used any kind of drug before (im 14) and I already have diagnosed anxiety so it wasnt a very good mix. Anyways, I was having symptoms of derealisation days after this incident, and the whole world seemed very blurry and sounds were muffled. This went on for a few weeks, but just last month the blurriness went away but my panic attacks have gotten worse & I cant really seem to tell the difference between reality and my dreams. I know im awake but it doesnt really feel like I am. Ive begun involuntarily lucid dreaming & it honestly scares the crap out of me. I hate dreaming while knowing that im dreaming. Also, (probably a symptom of my anxiety but ive never had it before the incident) Ive been having involuntary thoughts about my existence and whats real and what isnt. Honestly I just want to be a normal kid without having these paranoid thoughts and random panic attacks. Before what happened with my ex, my anxiety was managable and I could still enjoy everyday things. Now its unmanagable, im failing all my classes and its hard to even get out of bed. If anyone has advice for these intrusive thoughts or even just to calm down for a night Id really appreciate it. 💗

Update: These feelings have begun causing suicidal thoughts and i'm not sure how to handle it. Ive attempted in the past but what I was feeling then is nothing compared to now. 😞