I’m so anxious... anniversary...

I’m not usually one to get caught up on anniversaries but...

This time last year was the scariest moment of my life. I was admitted to the hospital because my membranes ruptured while I was out of town for my baby shower. My blood pressure was well above 140/90 and this came as a surprise considering how closely I was being monitored when I was home because I was having twins. At this point I just hit 32 weeks of pregnancy. Luckily the hospital was able to prolong the pregnancy for 6 days meanwhile I’m stuck in a hospital beds. I know people have it much worse. But my god was this horrible happening to me that’s already super nervous. So one I’m out of town away from my side of the family and friends, two I’m looking at having premature twins, three I’m drugged up in a hospital bed with a catheter being constantly poked, three my husband couldn’t stay in town with me the whole time because he had to work, four a c-section was literally the creepiest thing to happen to me, five babies are in the NICU for 28 days and I’m there basically alone, six I’m readmitted for sepsis for 5 more days through the ER. Okay so I can go on forever about all the anxiety that is coming with It being April. Believe me I am in so much love with my baby girls and they are doing great but April of 2017 was a nightmare for me.

So now I’m planning for my girls first birthday in a few days. And my anxiety is through the roof. I’m so excited to have made it through this year and so excited that they are so absolutely perfect. But I feel my anxiety just overwhelming me. All I can think of is what I was going through on this day last year.

I really needed to vent this. But if anyone else has felt the same please share. I really struggle with anxiety even more postpartum. Parenting has brought anxiety to a whole new level for me.