Trigger warning!!! Rape!!!

The summer of my senior year I was raped. This was 2011 and I decided on my last weekend before school to go to a party. At the party I can remember taking one last shot then there’s nothing. I don’t know for how long but I came to in a dark room with someone beside me. I remember asking where I was and who they were several times. I remember trying to leave the room only to be escorted back by two girls I thought were my friends, two girls who earlier in the night expressed how happy they were and that they used to not like me because I was “pretty”... Then I remember what he did to me, his words, his frustration... They threw my phone in the pool. They raped me. Later I found out it was both guys at the party that raped me, I had no idea... I never pressed charges as I was afraid and couldn’t stand disappointing or hurting my dad, I’ve gone to counseling, it hasn’t helped.

The two girls involved seem to be doing well. One is married and has two kids now I think, the other in a relationship and living fine. The first guy is a mess as always but seems healthy and in high spirits. The other I have no idea how he’s doing and I’ve tried to find out. It eats away at me that karma hasn’t came for them. It’s hurt the intimacy with my husband as of late because I’ve started having flashbacks. After what they all did to me, I can’t help but wish for their lives to crumble... and I know that’s terrible of me.

Can anyone give me tips to track the one down? I think it would help me. I want to see if his life has turned out like the others or if it sucks... None of them deserve a happy life, faithful partners, or prosperity. I really hate them all...