One day at a time

So for the last year, I’ve been going through a lot of depression. Pretty much my whole life, off and on, I’ve dealt with anxiety. Especially social anxiety. But I’ve never been anxious or depressed to the point that I’ve been the past year. It’s putting a strain on my happiness, my self worth, my jobs, my marriage, and my friendships...

I can’t quite put a finger on why I feel this way, but it’s doing a lot of damage to who I am as a person. I don’t really know who I am anymore. I have a negative self image of myself and I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough or that I will never be successful. My health has also been in a bad place the last year as well. I’ve done everything I can to manage my symptoms. (Diet change, exercise/personal trainer, supplements...) but nothing is helping me mentally. In fact I feel like I’ve been getting worse mentally.

I just feel sad all the time. It’s difficult to get out of bed in the morning too. I know my husband is worried about me and is tired of seeing me unhappy. I put a strain on him as well, and I feel so bad, but sometimes I just get so much anxiety and take it out on him.

I feel like I can never go out and do something fun, like a baseball game, or a concert, without getting anxiety and upset at some point.

I’m wanting to see a therapist but I currently don’t have a job that gives health insurance.

I’m sorry this is so long...I needed to vent and write out everything.

Is anyone else dealing with this?? How do you get through each day?