Id hate to be that girl... but I need help
Hey ladies, I’m just here for some advice. A little over a week ago me and my boyfriend of 2 / 3 years (take your pick things were unconventional at first) broke up due to long distance. I’m at college in Utah and he (having taken a gap year) is going to start college at Purdue in the fall with a scholarship from the navy which means after graduating he is obligated to serve them for 8 years at least as a pilot/ officer. 12 years of long distance was just too much and he decided there wasn’t a place for me, and aspiring civil engineer in his immediate future (the next 10 years). I obviously love him unconditionally and the whole situation has been excruciatingly painful, especially ending things on such amicable terms. I still want to talk to him about my day and hear about his and just chat. But we decided to make things easier we should not text or FaceTime for a while. I’ve been going through really bad depression since the split not just due to losing him but because of many other things in my life too. I keep breaking down and texting him every 4 days practically begging him to be my friend because we decided that we’re a good team even if we can’t be romantically right now. We and I obviously want to move on in different ways, I want to talk through things and skip the depression period where we need to be away from one another and he wants no part of dealing with me until he can only call me his friend. Well tonight I broke down and texted a painfully long message to which he responded with a joke about how I can have so much time to write that when his 63 tinder matches just ignore him. The joke didnt land needless to say. I pried and pried until he told me he actually had downloaded tinder last week and had even met up with a girl but “she was gross so I bailed”. This is all making him sound like a real dirt ball believe me but he’s really a great, intelligent, and well rounded guy and I really do love him. I know I can’t control him anymore and that I’m not longer a part of his life let alone his dating life but am I crazy to tell him that If he doesn’t respect me enough to not go on tinder dates a week after breaking up then I can’t have him in my life at all. Well I kind of gave him this ultimatum and he told me that maybe we shouldn’t be apart of each other’s lives anymore then because he doesnt want “my ex girlfriend keeping tabs on me”. I know this is just his way of coping because he is very alone right now and doesn’t have any friends to lean on since all of them are at college during his gap year, but this seems so drastic and really hurt me. Well we decided that I cant keep texting him every time I’m depressed because I need to find a new thing that’s not him now that we’re broken up and I need to get over him and give him time to get over me. But I don’t want him moving on, I don’t want to move on. I guess I just came here for a little lady advice. Tips for moving on? Tips for post relationship depression? Tips for not backsliding? Advice on the situation. Really anything will help. I’m not at the stage where I’m ready to bash him and say how much better I am than him and can do better, so I’m afraid comments like that won’t help a ton. Yikes I didn’t know how long this was getting, thanks for hanging in there. Attached is a representation of me for the last week to shed some light of my situation.