Love/hate relationship 4 years. 1 year long distance.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years (since I was 14, now 19) we’re the same age. When I first met him I instantly thought he was gorgeous and I fell for him straight away.

Our 4 years haven’t always been so easy so here’s a breakdown:

• I suffer with depression and anxiety and he tried to help but he will never understand. Sometimes he triggers it or even makes it worse.

• We are two very different people. Although we have the same career goals and we work in the same industry (which does get competitive) we were both bought up in different family environments. I’m very open minded, spontaneous and accepting. He is not and can be quite judgmental and closed minded. Everything is a struggle with him.

• He has strong opinions and expresses them to me often. He doesn’t accept or like that I sometimes have a drink with my friends on a Friday night, he thinks I’m irresponsible to get in from a movie night at 2am when I have work the next day ect. I just want to live and have fun and it frustrates me that he won’t just join me. He doesn’t go out, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t socialise like I do and just because he doesn’t do it, makes it wrong for me to do.

• For the second and third year of our relationship I lived away mon - fri but saw him every weekend in between work. This was kinda tough.

• For the last year of our relationship I have lived in another country and it’s been long distance.

I constantly doubt whether I can stay in the relationship but every time I visit home and see him I remember how much I love him. I’m due to take a trip home next week after two months and it’s making me extremely anxious. I don’t know why but right now I’m really considering the relationship. I recently met a guy over the last month and he became my best friend, even though we were just friends and both in a relationship it made me realise that there are possibly guys out there that suit me better than he does. I really find t hard to show my boyfriend any affection whilst I’m away. I don’t really like speaking to him and literally nothing about him appeals to me until I see him again after a long time. I don’t know what to do guys, any advice?