Upset and Confused
I left my boyfriend in January because he was verbally and occasionally physically abusive. He begged me to come back, that he would change etc so I did. I got pregnant almost immediately. We've been battling back and forth whether or not we wanted to keep the baby and because I'm almost 11 weeks, I went ahead and made an appointment for termination for next Tuesday. I figured we would have everything decided by then either way and I could either go or cancel.
He has started going out and getting drunk on nights he doesn't have work the next day. This is new, though alcohol was something he was supposed to put down for "6 months" because I felt this was a driving factor in our fights. This morning, I picked up his phone to tell him the time and I saw he had instagram notifications on his phone. Here's the deal. I'm not allowed to have an instagram account because after we started dating, he looked on mine and saw I was following a few pages of "fitness men" (all of which I had followed prior to meeting him anyway). We decided we would not have instagram accounts, whatever. So when I saw that on his phone, I said "Well, I want my account back on too. I should have it anyway because my son is up there and I should be able to check up on him, ESPECIALLY if you are up there..." He said if I did, he would join Tinder. I said, "That's it.. I'm leaving. I'm not living like this. I'm done" I went downstairs to grab my luggage bag out of the garage. He stormed downstairs, grabbed my bag, hit me in the head with it hard enough for my head to hit the wall. I sat on the couch and figured I'd just wait for him to leave. He threatened me with some BS about the new car I just bought so I said "That's fine, I'll call and make sure I am not going to lose my car." He took my phone and smashed it over and over. Little did I know, he had taken both of my debit cards out of my wallet. I ended up getting stranded and had to borrow money to put gas in my car to go pick up my cards from him. When I did that, he was apologetic but in a way that its still my fault. Oh, and at some point, he punched me in my back.
I was so stupid to go back and now I have this great job but all I want to do is run back home. My stupid phone didn't have any insurance on it, which was somehow a mistake because I just got the phone and asked for it to be insured, and now I'm phoneless. I'm an idiot for thinking he would change and I'm too proud to go home and prove everyone else right. And I don't think I'm strong enough to leave permanently because I love him too much. AND I have until Tuesday to decide if I'm going to keep this baby. I'm just so upset and confused :(