So I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and I care so much about him. I’ve been loyal and kind and maybe I’m grumpy sometimes but I never curse or yell. Unfortunately he is an addict. He is addicted to nicotine and marijuana. He lied a hundred times about his activities and I forgave him- so it’s no ones fault but mine. When our son came along we discussed some ground rules: no buying weed at work, no driving under the influence, and no smoking weed if you are the only caregiver home. Any other time is fine. He agreed these were reasonable rules- but in the last year has broken every one of them on a weekly basis. Every time he is caught he cries and says he will do better. I feel like I can’t leave him because he is the last survivor of a family who all committed suicide (not all at the same time). And also I don’t want to battle him for rights to our son (I have enough evidence to make sure he doesn’t have custody such as videos of him smoking pot while the baby sits alone on the floor- but it’s still such a hard thing on kids). I feel absolutely trapped and depressed. The thing is, my best friend for the last half my life is a guy- my son and I are spending the week with him while our house is painted and it makes me even more sad realizing that I am way happier and thriving here. I wish I was with him instead. I dread going home and I hate my husband for all the lies and struggles he has brought into our marriage and still he treats everyone around him like crap. Like even though I’m 1000 miles away right now the only time he checked in on me or the baby was to tell me to order him food and that I “better not get anything stupid” for him- whatever that means. He didn’t even ask about his son. I know I should not be with him but I feel like he will end his life like his mom and dad and sister all chose to do. This is the only place I can vent anonymously, sorry guys.