Today was my cousins baby shower..I should have been filled with joy for her..her little boy will be here soon enough...but I just couldn’t go. I know how bad the pain felt when I went to the gender reveal party. I felt like my heart was breaking. I’ve told my boyfriend multiple times I want to get married and have kids in my 20’s...he brushes it off and says it’s just a ring and I’d have to leave going to college and getting a good job for a family...I feel horrible but I just couldn’t go through that pain again. It’s already hit multiple times, especially when he said “it’s not going to happen till our 30’s”..... idk I just feel hurt and like everything I want in life no one really cares about or takes seriously just because I’m 18...sorry I enjoy the though of having my own family and my own child to take care of and love unconditionally...

EDIT: I didn’t do it out of spite or just because I’m being selfish. I did it because I knew for a fact I’d bring it down just like at her gender reveal. She is literally a year older than me and she has gotten what I’ve dreamed of. I’m so happy for her, I just hate the fact that my boyfriend doesn’t give two shits about marriage and children. So I’m jealous she got a good one who supports her, an who has the same goals as her. I was told the entire time I was at the gender reveal that I was killing the mood, so I didn’t want to ruin HER baby shower with my moody ass self. There is a lot more underlying problems than the fucking children and marriage thing. I’m not taking my problems that I know have been hard for me to deal with to her and ruining her day with her husband, family and friends. No fucking way.