I was in a relationship for 2 years.

I finally realised I was never loved cared about or appreciated. I was being used for all of it.

He would always want to do sexual stuff and I was suffering depression and he once when I was in tears having a breakdown said to me “ you said we could do it tonight” I turned to him and said “ sorry. Not really feeling it” and he got mad at me. He rolled over in the shits. He kept turning back and saying “ well are you at least gonna do it for me?” And I ignored. Still, I am in tears at this point. Shaking and pouring my eyes out. I said to him “are you gonna let it go? Or are you gonna crack it ir I don’t do it?” And he said “I’m gonna crack it” And I said “are tou serious? You’re that low?” And he responded “yes” I said I didn’t want to. I said I don’t feel like it. That I’m upset and I’d do it in the morning if he’s that desperate. And he said no I want it now. So I did it.

This wasn’t the only time. Other times I said no and he basically forced me into saying yes. He made me feel like if I didn’t that I was a bad person. That if I didn’t, he’d leave me. That if I didn’t, he’d go off at me.

He then cheated on me several times and when I asked why he did it, he said “ you don’t give me enough action. It’s like you were asking for it”

Mind you, I gave him hand and head almost every night or day we were alone together. If we didn’t have sex, I’d still do it for him. And he blamed it on me. And I believed him. For a long long time. I blamed myself for it. Thought I deserved it.

I know it’s not rape, but what would you call it?

It really messed me up and I still haven’t told anyone. I’m seeing a new guy and am scared of this happening again