My best friend and I, of three years, stopped being friends after one argument. It wasn’t because either one of us had done something severe enough to end a three year friendship, we were just fighting over nothing. So, not thinking ahead at all I ended the friendship on the spot. To my immediate surprise she went along and didn’t try to change my mind. My heart was broken, to a point where it actually hurt. I’m known for not having many feelings, but after I realized what I had done, I was destroyed.

I don’t blame her.. I was being petty, ignorant, childish, etc. and she didn’t want to put up with it anymore.

It’s been two or three years since that cold afternoon when I felt so high and mighty for ruining the best, most rewarding friendship I ever had. We’ve ‘spoken’ maybe three times via the internet since then. I haven’t seen her face or heard her voice in three years but, I still think of her almost everyday.

Obviously, I’ve thought a lot about this situation and I’ve concluded we weren’t that great of friends. Not as great as I once thought. Maybe because she was the only true best friend i have ever had, maybe that’s why I’ve hung on so long. Don’t get me wrong, she was, she is, the most thoughtful and deep feeling person I know. Her and I, just weren’t meant to be. Or so I tell myself.

I know her and I are through, I know it in my heart but I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. What I am desperately afraid of is that I might do it to another person I love. I am so scared to think I might ruin something else great because I am in a mood.. I have slight bipolar disorder but will not admit it to anyone I know personally. I am terrified that I might ruin something I took years to build.

I feel like I don’t even know myself.. or what I’ll do next...