Venting about appearance

I just need to vent. I feel like absolute shit lately about how I look. Like...I know I’m pretty. But for the past two years or so I just haven’t cared about my appearance at all really. When I was in college and high school, I would usually wear makeup, but even on the days I didn’t wear makeup I dressed nice. Then I got hit with a really bad bout of depression that hospitalized me twice, forced me to drop out of TWO colleges, and quit my job. I almost committed suicide a few times. The only thing that kept me alive was my boyfriend (now husband).

I got on the right medication finally and lost a lot of weight that I gained while I was on Seroquel (hate that stuff). Then I got married. I felt so beautiful the day I got married and seeing my husband’s face light up when he saw me is a moment I will never forget. But looking back at the photos, I can’t help but think the only reason I look so nice is because of all the makeup they put on me. I don’t ever wear makeup anymore. I don’t know how to apply it, never have. And anytime I wore it in high school my mom would make fun of the way it looked. And then I got comfortable with the relationship I was in and just gave up. And now all I do is wear sweatpants and t shirts. I would wear nice clothes again, but I HATE shopping. It makes me so frustrated. Plus I’m 25 weeks pregnant so there’s no point in trying to reinvent my image now. Idk. I just feel so defeated. Photos below to show you guys what I mean. Sorry this is so long.

2015

Now

One of my bridal portraits