Hi Mamas. I have something I need to get off my chest bc I’m freaking out.

My daughter and I were living with her father for about 6 months. Him and I were in an on and off relationship for about 2 years. We were together about 7 months before we found out I was pregnant with my daughter. At first we were so happy bc I was always told I could never have kids bc of all the health issues I was born with. ( I had a miscarriage at 15 years old no judgements please). He was also told he couldn’t have kids bc after his oldest son he had a roofing accident.

In the beginning of our relationship everything was great, I fell so in love with him. He was such a sweetheart and treated me like a queen. Fast forward to June 2016, almost 3 months before I found out I was pregnant, we moved out of state to Nevada together. He started drinking a lot and he became a very angry person. We started fighting about stupid little things. Broke up, got back together, etc... we moved back home after being out there for 3 months bc jobs were shit in the part we lived in. We got back home July 27, 2016. Everything was going good again. He quit drinking and bought us a car and he got a decent paying job. Well when we found out I was pregnant, on August 31, 2016 that’s when he started changing again. His anger came back. Even though he wasn’t drinking, he was still a hot head. About everything. One night while he was at work I saw he had a message on his tumblr (he was logged in on my phone and I didn’t know wtf tumblr even was) I went to see who was messaging him so late and it was his ex. They had been talking for a few months and he kept telling her he was still in love with her and he wouldn’t love me like he loved her. When I went to pick him up from work that night I immediately confronted him about it. He denied it for a few minutes then started apologizing. I was so mad I told him when we got home he needed to pack his shit and get out I also took my engagement ring off and threw it at his feet. Well he didn’t like that and while I was drinking he punched me in the face. When we got home he started packing up all his things. And when he was taking the last of his stuff out of our room he sat at my feet and started crying begging me not to kick him out. I was so in love with him and obviously blinded by it, I let him stay. About 3 weeks after we found out I was pregnant he told me he wanted me to get an abortion. I shut him out for a few days then he apologized and said he didn’t mean it, we just weren’t financially ready for a baby. Well he only had that good job for about a month and a half bc he got hurt at work and when they drug tested him he peed hot for ͏Marijuana. At the time we were living with my mom. The end of September came and my mom kicked him out bc he started mouthing off to her boyfriend bc he treated everyone like we were his peasants and he was king. We moved in with my uncle and he got another job working at a diner in our town. That’s when I found out his “late nights at work” when he was supposed to be staying with our friend, he was really getting drunk and doing acid and fucking other girls. Him and my uncle got into a huge argument so bad the cops were called and my daughters father was arrested and i got kicked out of there. I moved in with my aunt and when he got out of jail he was staying with that same friend. I took him back, until I found out he was still messing around with other girls. Even ones I was close with in high school! (Snakes🐍)

So I went through the first and second trimester basically alone (with the amazing support of my family) In my third trimester I felt awful that my daughter wasn’t going to have a father so I decided to give him yet another chance. When I was 2 weeks from my due date I found out he was dating and sleeping with one of his co workers from his new job WHILE I was still going over to his house and staying the night 5 nights a weeks. So I left him again. He wanted to be there for the birth of our daughter so I let him. The night after I gave birth he told me he wanted our family. And that is all I EVER wanted was to have my own little family. So we got back together and got our own apartment. We were there for 6 months. Mid-January is when I had him arrested. He woke up one morning to use the restroom and didn’t turn any lights on, and when he walked into the bathroom our dog had pooped on the floor and he stepped in it. He came back into our room creaming at the top of his lungs while woke me and my 7 month old up. She got up and started screaming at the top of her lungs bc he scared her out of a peaceful sleep. That long story short, he ended up choking me and pushing me around. I FINALLY got my daughter away from him and ran to my neighbors. She called the cops and the cops took so long, by the time they took evidence pictures (at 2pm) his finger marks that were on my body had already faded away. But they did do a DNA swab of my neck and his hands. Well once he was arrested the cops came back to my neighbors apartment and I told them to get a statement from my roommate bc he watched everything besides him choking me. But of course that kid being stuck so far up my abusers Ass, lied and said he didn’t see anything.

It’s now 4 months later and I reconnected with an old friend of mine. About 2 weeks ago him and I found out I’m 4 weeks pregnant. I’m not ready to have another baby and I don’t think he is ready to be a dad even though he’s super excited. I’m really freaking out.

I’m so scared for my daughters father to find out I’m pregnant bc I have no idea what he would do. I’m terrified of him. And I have to go to court the 18th so I’ll see him there 😒

Again sorry mamas for such a long post and sorry for the back and forth, I didn’t know where to even start.