Ok so for about 8 months this has been an ongoing issue in my relationship. I have tried talking to him about it but it always seems to be an argument or nothing becomes of it afterwards.

Someone please tell me, am I wrong for feeling this way? Is there something else I can do?

The illness I refer to is fibromyalgia.

I really want this relationship to work - everything else about it is exactly the way it should be.

I’ve written things I have said before down in the hope that if I send it to him maybe he will better understand and Absorb it.

This is the message I’m thinking of sending -

I don’t want an argument and I don’t want us to fall apart - those are the last things I want. I need this to be fixed though and I cannot keep brushing this under the carpet like it’s not a issue because it is. It feels like we’re living a lie or something this way 😔.

I’m at the point now where I don’t really know what else I can say about it or how else I could word the way I feel so that you understand. I’m exhausted by it.

The fact is - this is not normal/healthy.

Sex should not be so difficult. It should be fun and something that happens naturally/ spontaneously.

The fact that it doesn’t and that I have brought it up on a number of occasions and things have not improved makes me feel self conscious, insecure, embarrassed to keep bringing it up, hurt, unattractive and disconnected from you.

I need to feel physically wanted by you, sexually and most of the time I don’t. 😢

I understand you have said about me being ill and you don’t feel right instigating sex. But I have also said to you that I want you to, regardless of if you think I’m ill or not - I should be the one who decides if I’m well enough, not you.

If there is something deeper than that going on for you then you have to tell me. If there isn’t anything else and that’s the only problem then I see no reason why you can’t make a change.

I appreciate that I haven’t done a lot to instigate for a while now, but you have to understand that the fact that this has been going on for so long has left its mark and it’s hard for me to have the confidence to do it anymore. When I do, it then feels forced and makes me wonder if you even actually want it. Then when it goes so long without happening and you haven’t tried it furthers that thought process for me that you really don’t.

If it wasn’t for the times I push for it or instigate sex, we wouldn’t have it at all.

All I am trying to do is let you know how I’m feeling and what I need from you to make things better. This is not about accusations or hurting each other - all I want is for us to be happy but with it like this I can’t be happy.