Living for my daughter.. Long story

I hate to admit it... but everything I did, everything I worked for, everything I dealt with. I did it for her.

Hi my name is Abby, and I recently started an Intensive outpatient program for women.

I am currently suffering from depression, social anxiety, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder.

I have lived with these for as long as I could remember. I use to self harm, have tried to end my life on multiple occasions.

then... I got pregnant with my daughter in July of 2016..

EVERYTHING CHANGED.

I lost weight, I didn't feel the need to self harm, I lived for my daughter.

my daughter was born in March 2017, everything was great. my SO worked for our family so I could stay home with our daughter.

then over the first year of her life, we had complications.

she was hospitalized 6 different times. it wasn't until recently that we finally got awnsers on what she has (Periodic fever syndrome.)

but with everything she went through I put all my issues (both mental health and physical health) on a back burner.

months pass and finally it's February 2018.

I had just turned 20, she was turning 1. things were great.

then I had a complete mental breakdown. I broke a door, went into a fit of rage, tried to drink an entire bottle of niquil.

I have no memory of this night.

my SO was terrified. I tried taking my daughter and walking barefoot, outside, in the snow.

THANK GOD FOR MY SO.

he took my daughter from me, gave her to a neighbor, then called the Resolve line (mental health line) and got them to take me to the DEC (diagnosis emergency center) where I got put on mood stabilizers, and got put into the IOP group.

which is 3 hours, 3 times a week.

Honestly, best thing to ever happen to me. I am working on tricks to help keep my mood good, I am on the correct medications, and I am not a danger to anyone.

my whole point in this post is, never put you last. I still put my daughter first, but I am also first.

My next goal is to start losing weight so I can see myself healthy physically too. 😊