Conflicted but relieved.


I don’t normally do this but I just need to get this out in the open somewhere....

The last 4-5 days or so my boobs have been incredibly sore, swollen and just all around uncomfortable no matter what I do (bra, sports bra, no bra) nothing seems to be helping. Even though I’m on birth control the thought “maybe you’re pregnant” of course popped into my head, especially because my period is “late” even though it’s pretty irregular due to the type of birth control I’m on. So I decided to take a pregnancy test which came back negative but for some reason I think I’m more disappointed than relieved. Even though I know my boyfriend and I aren’t ready to raise a child yet (I’m getting my second college degree and working very little and my boyfriend hasn’t been able to find steady work) I know that if it came down to it I would be able to handle raising a baby. I’d find a way because, to me, the alternative isn’t an option.

The last few days and even last few hours I’ve been so conflicted with emotions it’s very overwhelming. I give all mommas and momma-to-be so much credit, my emotions are going crazy now I can only imagine what I’m going to be like when I actually do get pregnant one day.