Domestic violence

My ex and I met offline he has three little girls and only see's two of them. At first everything seemed magical almost too good to be true. We fell in love quick both of us couldn't get enough of eachother, around January even on my birthday he was so disrespectful to me. He knew me and my parents relationship was rocky and sided with my mom at one point saying I'm going to punish her by not seeing her on her birthday things of the nature small but it took a toll around February it was rough but we always seemed to get back together and work things through. March I ran away from home and went drinking and smoking with some friends. He called me saying he was going to come pick me up. (He picked me up) I got in the car first thing he did was grab me by the collar of my jacket and smell me for booze and pot luckily I got away that time I could see the anger and hatred in his eyes I got so paranoid I thought him and my mom were plotting to kill me. April rolls around and it got increasingly worse I slept over at his place and his parents came over easter morning unexpectedly he shoved me in a closet and told me to shut up and stay quiet I hid in their for 15 minutes just wanting to cry. He would call me a "bitch" stupid, retarted, say things like are these words to big for your vocabulary etc. this month in the beginning I took a pregnancy test I jokingly said "it's positive" he was livid he grabbed my throats holding me against the wall with a scalpel to neck saying and i quote "how much is premeditated murder" he said I'm not going anywhere and next time I leave I'll regret it. He knows my past of being raped a total of 4 times and the abuse I've indured while in those shitty situations. There's moments where I thought I wasn't going to leave that ex's house alive. My last rape is something I never reported to the police simply because I was terrified. I woke up the next morning with strangulation marks on my neck and bruises on my body my clothes were torn off of me and I ended up "TMI" shitty myself cause he had anal sex with me. I was mortified, terrified and alone. I now from that rape have scarred Fallopian tubes including PID and I had chlymadia. Do I believe theirs hope absolutely do I believe it's easy no. People always ask well why do you all this to happen my answer is because In that moment in time theirs nothing you can do. The last rape he lived with his grandparents and he had shotguns all on his wall. (He was a hunter" he was a convicted felon previously charged with possession of meth, drug charges, fire arm charges etc. I feel so alone I have pictures of the bruises left on me but that can only go so far in court help me... please...