i just cant get it out of my head.

the feeling of complete helplessness..

the feeling of not being able to breathe..

the confusion as to why it was happening..

the fear of dropping my baby as i feel my vision fading making sure i set him down as gently as possible as I fell to the floor...

the emptiness in his eyes..

my baby smiling at me in between looks of concern..

the fear of not seeing my kids grow up..

the need to bite scratch fight back but not doing it for fear of hurting him..

the memory of the weird noises my body made as i tried to breathe.. the moment of acceptance that I was going to die as i could feel myself blacking out.. the shock of suddenly being able to breathe.. the hurt when he just walked away leaving me there crying..as he ate the food i had originally made for him and was getting him in the 1st place for.. the fact that he says he doesn't remember anything before his last bite of food.. living life as normal as possible.. trying to not think about it.. forgiving him cause he was drunk, and gave up drinking.. i can't stop thinking about it though.. the way the popped blood vessels on my face looked like red freckles.. the bruise his fingers left.. how do you recover.. i have never felt so weak. .