Insecure boyfriend

Hi y’all. I’m trying to help my best friend deal with her insecure boyfriend. This is gonna be long.

Last night he texted her out of nowhere..

Him: Do you talk to other boys? Yes or no? Simple question

Her: Yes? Classmates, friends, coworkers?

Him: I assume you initiate conversations with boys I don’t know

Her: Yeah I have. You haven’t met every single person in my life

Him: Is it a backdoor thing with you?

Her: A what?

Him: Talking, conversations with other guys as a back up when and if we don’t work out

Her: Umm no? Wth why would you ask that? Seriously

At this point, she panics and deletes some texts and DMs- any conversations with ANY guy, including her bro in law, my husband, her mechanic, etc. and even some conversations with some girls. Why did she do this? Because her last relationship was an emotionally abusive one, and she was constantly made to feel like she was doing something wrong, so now she doesn’t know what’s going to “get her in trouble” or not.

Then he texts..

Him: So you’re saying you don’t delete conversations/texts/DMs because you’re afraid I might see it

It goes on with her being defensive and him being mean.

I’m reading these texts she sent me while SCREAMING at her on the phone: He obviously has your passwords! How can you not see this?? What did he see that’s triggering this? And whyyy do you keep deleting things you don’t need to be deleting?

Earlier she had sent a message to an old guy friend, in response to an IG story: Congrats on the new job!

THAT’S IT.

She didn’t think anything was wrong with it (I don’t either) until he started asking accusatory questions “out of curiosity.”

This is a pattern with them. He overreacts about anything that reminds him of his ex who cheated on him, she questions everything she does then covers things up that she doesn’t need to cover up, he finds out she lied so she *must* be lying about everything. I’m trying to help her see.. her emotionally abusive past + his last gf cheated on him = a cycle of distrust and defensiveness. They both have a lot of work to do.

He denies logging into her IG. I think he’s lying.

I told her she needs to break the cycle. Don’t let him talk to you like that. Don’t answer his stupid accusatory questions if you legit didn’t do anything wrong. Stop deleting things and lying about things if you didn’t do anything wrong. If you can’t tell what’s right or wrong anymore, assume you didn’t do anything wrong because you’re a GOOD PERSON. But when you lie, you give him an actual reason to distrust you. If he can’t trust you then he needs to either cut the BS and tell you what you can do to earn his trust back or figure it out on his own. Or leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really do think they are good together but they’re scarred by their past relationships.

What would you do? What else can I tell her?