Trying to stay positive

I’m in mid 30’s have 2 children 17 and 12. My husband and I didn’t think about having anymore kids since ours are older. I enjoy the me time. Well last year I found out I was pregnant, at the time we were going through a rough time so the pregnancy was a surprise and something we had to think about. My oldest has lots of health issues so we were concerned about this pregnancy since I was older and health issues were a greater risk. I went to the dr and she said everything was great, I scheduled my 1st ultrasound the following week and went. At that time based on my LMP I was to be over 10 weeks. But the tech measured me at 5 weeks. At that moment I knew something was wrong. My dr called me and had me take blood test to measure my Hcg levels within 48 hours. I did and she had informed me my levels were great. At this point we haven’t told family just in case it didn’t work out. Come Christmas time we decided to announce to our family Our family was excited besides our kids (of course, they said they aren’t babysitting) everything was going great! The following week I went to work and went to the restroom and wiped and seen a little pink. I wasn’t too sure so I called my dr. Told me if there was blood like a period go the er. At this point I was 9 weeks. I continued my day at work and hours later I had that feeling of a period starting and sure enough I was bleeding.

I left work and waited for my husband and we went to the Dr which is 45 mins away. I get there for them to tell me that my HCG level dropped to 6000 which showed it was a definite miscarriage. It was really devastating. This whole pregnancy was full of mixed feelings and I was actually ready for another. And during the whole time I found out and kept it from my family my niece told me she was pregnant. So when we announced the family was excited to have 2 additions. Well I had the miscarriage my niece of course is having a healthy pregnancy. It’s hard to not be jealous because she is due 1 day before my due date. It’s hard when she tags us in her pregnancy posts or comes over and she’s showing now. She’s starting to get things ready for her baby and we are trying and nothing for 3 months. I know there’s others that have tried longer but there’s people like my neice who broke up with her BF for a month and got back together and 2 weeks later she’s pregnant by them trying the 1st time. And I feel time is ticking. I don’t want to keep trying for too long. I’m getting older and told my husband I don’t want to make myself miserable to continue trying for years. We are blessed with 2 girls and am thankful to have them. It’s just hard to see my niece doing all the things I should be also doing.