Dear Body...What the Hell?

Hey Ladies. So about 8 months ago I lost my first child to a miscarriage. That pregnancy was not planned but it was with a man I have been with for 4 years so we were nervous but excited at the same time. Well ever sense we lost the baby I have been going through the motions of being a mother to an angel. I went through this period of time where I wanted nothing to do with sex and nothing to do with babies. Then I went through a time where I was baby obsessed. I never once planned to have a baby but it was always on my mind. Now I'm at a point where if it happens I wouldnt be upset but if it doesnt I'll be okay because I know it will one day. Well this cycle I am about 4-5 days late. I have had little to none pregnancy symptoms except sore breasts, peeing constantly, some light cramping, and a late period. Oh and sorry for the gross detail but I've been super wet with a clear discharge for the last week probably. Litterally l have been feeling like either af has arrived or I pissed myself. With my first pregnancy I had so many symptoms but I know people say every pregnancy is different. I took a test at 2 days late and it was negative... But my period still hasn't come yet. I'm usually never late. I mean I haven't been more than a day late since my miscarriage. Could I be expecting my rainbow baby or is my body still trying to regulate itself from my loss? I'm terrified of testing again. I dont know if I want it to be positive or negative. My mind and body are both so messed up.