BFN 😞

It's heart breaking getting up excited to take a pregnancy test only to receive a "not pregnant". On Tuesday I took a cheapie blue day and it came out negative. Today I took this one and it still came out negative. The only difference is that on Tuesday I cried so much and yelled at god and even asked "does he even exist". I went on a rant about god and lost my faith. I questioned why he rewards other women who get pregnant to keep a man or for all the wrong reasons with a baby. I questioned why those that try so hard to conceive always get negatives but those that don't even try get a positive with in a month or so. I was heart broken all day, my heart felt sad and heavy. I felt like I lost something, and I don't even know why I felt that way. I believed that god can make the imposible happen, and that he'd make it happen for me like he does for other women. I was so angry with god all Tuesday. I'm human, it's a normal human reaction when our father tells us "no" or "not right now" or "your not ready". Today, the difference was that I prayed and let god know that I leave it in his hands. I did ask for him to bless me with a BFP though. Well, while I waited for the test results to load (felt like forever) I prayed and cried. When I turned around and found that it said "not pregnant" it hurt, but I wasn't mad at god. I accepted it, it's not my time yet to be a mother. For whatever the reason he blesses women who I feel don't deserve to be mothers god always knows what he is doing. I may have not gotten my little blessing today, but I'm sure that sometime this year I will. From this day on I'll continue to pray for my little blessing but I'll also take care of myself and put myself first to provide a healthy womb for my little one. Irregular periods suck, but I believe that with god anything is indeed possible. You just have to believe with your heart and regardless of the results I do ❤️🙏. To those waiting to conceive I pray that today is your day and that soon enough you receive the blessing you have been waiting for in the name of Jesus amen.