When I was 13 my mom decided that we needed to move in with her boyfriend that she had been with for a couple years. I didn’t know him that well and was nervous about moving in with him because I didn’t know if it would be a stable home life. Once we moved in together he started offering to take me to the mall and buy me clothes. Me being a 13 year old girl, I got excited. My mom and I never had much money to spend on things we wanted when I was growing up so this made shopping 1,000X more fun. He would take me to the mall and buy me anything I wanted. We sometimes would go into American Eagle and I would venture into Aerie. He would follow me and tell me that the thongs would look good on me. When he did this I got really uncomfortable and wanted to leave. When we did end up leaving he put his hand on my thigh and left it there for the whole car ride. I was visibly uncomfortable, but couldn’t find my voice to tell him to stop.

He continued to put his hand on my thigh every time we were in the car alone together. I hated it. We still continued to go to the mall once in a while. He would buy me makeup and tell me that I had to put it on for him when we got home. All of this made me so upset. I was really confused because he never raped me or molested me so I didn’t know if I had any right to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to tell my mom because I didnt know if I was over reacting and I didn’t want to ruin her relationship. I had never seen her so consistent with someone.

All this stuff with him continued to happen. He would come into my room if I was sleeping and lay in my bed with me. I would have to push him out in order to get him to leave. He wouldn’t go if I asked nicely. I was so angry and depressed and exhausted by the time 8th grade was over. I failed school that year and decided to run away to my dads rather than stay in their house. I didn’t want to tell my mom still and I was always so on edge because every time he and I were in the house alone together I was scared for my life. He was unpredictable to me and I didn’t see anything stopping him from raping me one day.

Fast forward to when I was 16, I had moved back from my dads in hopes that my stepdad got the point. I was in high school and had a boyfriend. I ended up telling my boyfriend because my stepdad was still doing little things to make me nervous. My boyfriend convinced me to tell someone at the school, so I told the counselor. She called my mom in and told me that I had to tell her to her face. I felt so scared and betrayed by this woman that I confided in. I was forced to tell my mom, even though she was 8Mo pregnant with my baby sister. It was heartbreaking. She didn’t believe me.

My family continues to keep him around and act like everything’s fine. I live all the way across the country now and have my own little family. I decided to post this here because it’s a safe place for me. Sometimes I wonder if I actually was over reacting and misinterpreting things like my mom and ex. Therapist told me. Having a therapist, someone I thought I could trust, tell me that I was wrong about how I felt during that time in my life really fucked with me. I hope that someone on here sees this and finds some comfort knowing that things like this happen and it’s very sad and scary, but you are not wrong and you are definitely not alone. You felt how you felt. The person who did this to you was wrong and never should have tried to test your boundaries. Don’t listen to the people who try to tell you otherwise. Your feelings are valid and things will get better. For some proof, here’s my little family. We are happy and healthy and I have come very far in coming to terms with that part of my life. I just want you all to know that there is hope. And when you do tell your story, don’t worry about hurting other people because you need to put you first.

is it rape

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