Just need to vent

Ive been dating this guy for a few months and we fell in love so fast. I love everything about him. He is so thoughtful and makes me feel so good about myself and has turned me into a better person. Ive only known him since February but he's brought me out of my long and deep grief from my last boyfriends death and he talks about him with so much respect. They remind me so much of each other, and I feel the same way about this new guy, maybe even stronger feelings. I love this man and would do just about anything for him.

We've been open about our past mental health issues, and he said that his had gone away when he was younger and I am medicated and healthy happy as a clam.

The past few days have been fucking crazy. I made a mistake before we started dating, and told him about it. I didn't cheat on him, but I didn't tell him about a specific person that I slept with before I started to date him. The guy I slept with is my boss (I know I know bad idea) and he blackmailed me into not telling anyone. I didn't want to tell my boyfriend because I was afraid to lose my job but I was more afraid of losing him. But I eventually told him, and he flipped.

He was in a bad mood anyway and he just started to cry and talk so much depressing shit and asking why all these bad things had to happen to him, a person who has done nothing to hurt anyone and gives his everything to everyone he meets. (He's not exaggerating, he is an angel. Personality of a loving grandmother) and I felt like the worst person in the world. He said he put so much trust in me and that I was the person he loved most in the world and the only person he didn't expect to lie to him. He wasn't listening to anything I was saying about why I lied, and was in this state for about four hours. I started to cry in front of him begging for his forgiveness and telling him how much I hated seeing him like this and he immediately stopped crying about his feelings and hugged me and rubbed my back and wiped my tears. I was so genuinely confused. This was the first time I've seen him this upset and the first time we had an argument, and he switched his mood so quick. I slept holding him like a baby and it cycled from him telling me how much he loved me, to the most painful woe is me speeches.

This went on for a few days. It was so painful and made me feel so guilty. He said he had never felt this bad before and it felt worse now than when his ex gf cheated or his grandfather died. I felt so horrible.

Then he would just go back to normal. Usually it would be from seeing me crying, and he didn't want me to feel so bad. It cycled for days. We didn't spend more than just a few hours apart from each other all week. He kept coming back to my apartment, crying, getting all lovey dicey snuggle, getting angry, over and over again.

A switch went off in my head. He's bipolar. My ex was bipolar and that is what he died from, took his own life. It was so similar it left a bad taste in my mouth. He showed up to my house yesterday with his head and beard shaved, after he had been growing his hair for months. He took some clothes out of his drawer in my room and looked at me with this big manic smile and said that it was gonna be ok, but he was going to get treatment.

I fucking knew it.

I was like ok, cool I'll take you. Take a shower and go to bed well make a plan tomorrow. And he told me that he was actually going back to his country for treatment. For a month maybe a little more.

So duh, I was upset and freaking out at him saying that there are plenty of MH facilities here and this is his home now and I would help him through it, but he needed to go to his doc and his dad back to his old home. He talked some sentimental stuff and we exchanged books and clothes and words. It was a very intense night.

I just got back from taking him to the airport. The rest of the night yesterday I was with him was very good. He had an episode about 15 minutes long but went back to normal quickly. I met his family for the first time before the early flight, and we cried together in the Uber. It was a really tough goodbye. Lasted about ten minutes. We definitely made some people uncomfortable around us with all that PDA but I didn't give a fuck. He went down the almost empty security line and I waited until he got past the TSA and until I couldn't see him. He was looking back at me the whole time. I waited for a few hours for him to board to leave the airport, and talked to him until he had to turn his phone off. He had an episode right before takeoff so I waited up until he landed at his layover and he just texted me that he is ok.

I'm so scared for him. Idk if anyone reads this please send your prayers to this beautiful person, please pray he doesn't fall victim to this illness like my last love did.

alright y'all I need help