Embarrassing kink

This is really embarrassing and I kind of feel like something is wrong with me.

One thing that makes me have a really strong orgasm during sex with my husband is to imagine him being raped. I know this sounds horrible but my husband is so modest and shy and it absolutely gets me going imaging him being tied down and another woman (or women) forcing themselves on him. He would struggle but obviously eventually come to orgasm in the end.

I feel like such a psychopath jerk that this kind of thought pattern turns me on.

I would never ever tell my husband that this fantasy brings me to orgasm and I know if this happened in real life he would be traumatized and it’s only supposed stay in my head.

I’m also into SPH which is weird because my husband is very normal in to the penis size department. I can literally get off on looking at pictures of small dick porn or humiliation porn.

I know I’m fucked in the head.