Am I overreacting??

Question

I have a question maybe I'm overreacting I have an 18 year old daughter she's never been sexually active she just got into a relationship this is her first relationship she usually always sits in her room she hardly ever comes out of a room now she met a young man I have not met him yet I don't know if he's good or if he's bad so I can't judge him he is 22 years old they've been going out for 2 months I found out recently that my 18 year old daughter got drunk and spent the night at his Grandma's house along with my 19 year old daughter she also got drunk of course I'm not happy about that both of my daughter's boyfriends are older than them my 19 year old daughter she's always been a little on the Wild Side both of my girls are sweethearts I love them to death I worry about my 18 year old daughter because thisr first relationship and she does live at home well last night my 18 year old daughter went on a date with her with her boyfriend my husband and I are divorced my 18 year old was spending the weekend with her dad so she left from her dads to go on a date then spend the night at her boyfriends grandma's house I told my 18 year daughter I don't care  if she goes on a date with her boyfriend and hangs out with him during the day and watch movies or whatever but I want her home at night because she lives here with me that's the only rule I ask her is she told me I'm trying to control her life when I'm just trying to watch out for her my 18 year old daughter and I got into a fight about it today and she told me to f*** off and I told her don't you ever talk to your mother like that if she wants to live at my house with me she will show me respect just as I show her respect if I would have told my mom to f*** off at 18 years old I would have been in trouble this so disrespectful talk to  your mother like that... am I in the wrong my children are always walcome  at my home but I will not be disrespected... what do you guys all think about this everybody says I'm being too hard my ex husband doesn't seem to care what they do the whole time we were married

Answer

If she's living under your roof you make the rules. You do have to let her grow up, she is legally an adult, but she should also respect your wishes. I am 22 and if I was still living with my mom (I was at 18) would ask her if something I did was alright, out of respect. I think a lot kids this generation don't view it that way. When I asked and talked to my mom about things, she nearly always approved. I was reponsible worked, went to school, paid her rent. Maybe you guys can talk and compromise on something.

Answer

She’s 18, she has to grow up at some point, unfortunately she has to learn from her own mistakes. She should absolutely respect you when living in your house, but not allowing her to sleep anywhere else is a little much, and as you see, she’ll just find a way to stay with him regardless

Answer

I don’t think you’re overreacting. I did get a little testy with my parents especially at that age I felt like an “adult” but I never said anything close to that.
My parents were super strict with us though. I don’t resent it because I know how stupid I would have been on my own.

Answer

I say you are doing a good job. Put your foot down and set some ground rules, it doesn’t matter that they’re 18. They shouldn’t be going out and staying places without your permission. Try to take control

Answer

I am in a serious relationship, but Im also under my parents roof. How they say goes. And my boyfriend respects that. If the guys she is dating does not respect your boundaries, that is a huge red flag. Any guy who is serious about a girl is going to make sure not to get on the parents bad side.

Answer

She should respect you and do as you say since she lives with you. There is a limit on how much you can control her though but you are looking out for her she is in a relationship for once but honestly all you can do is let her make her own mistakes and just tell her you'll always be there for her and that if she's ever in trouble to give you a call or text you a code word and to try her best to give you her location. But honestly shes 18 she has to learn from her own mistakes in order to grow up. Be there for her and that's it but don't let her walk all over you or talk shit to you. If she talks back next time slap her lol jk maybe sometimes teen girls need to be smacked (not abusive smacks) in order to see reality

Answer

I mean I understand the whole "my house my rules" thing, but maybe you could give her a little freedom to grow? I don't think its crazy for an 18 year old to spend the night at her boyfriends place. I spent the night at my boyfriends house all the time when I was like 17. (Although his parents were home as well and didn't let us share a bed or anything) I understand you're worried about her and just want to protect her but we all have to flap our wings a little at some point. Maybe you could come to some kind of compromise, like she's allowed to stay the night elsewhere but only after letting you know first so you don't worry. Just an idea

Answer

I have been in the same situation. I was 17 dating a 22 year old and he was my first serious relationship. I get where you’re coming from 100% but when my mom tried telling me what to do I did it anyways to make my mom mad. And I get she lives under your roof but all it’s doing is pushing her away. Because she’s gonna do what she wants. Meet him and you might have good feeling about him & you might not. Show her you’re interested. And in the end she’s gonna appreciate you & what your rules are because I know after everything I felt bad the way I treated my mom.

Am I overreacting??

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