Should I forgive my dad?

Question

So my dad has the biggest temper. When I was eight he threatened to skin my mom alive twice and emotionally abused me for going by her last name in school instead of his. Every time we go the airport he ends up having a temper tantrum. Calling the flight attendants useless and full of shit. A month ago I told him my husband and I eloped. I wasn’t sure if he’d be happy or surprised, but he ended up being completely angry. He called me a skank and a whore. He said that he hopes my husband cheats on me. He started throwing things at me and spit in my face. I packed a couple shirts and one pair of pants but otherwise he left me to figure out my living situation by myself. luckily my mom let me stay with her for a couple weeks and then my husband found a basement in a nice house to rent out. I’ve been living with him for almost a month now and I’ve never been happier. He’s a great guy and being free of my dad’s temper and manipulative behavior has been a relief. A couple days ago, however, he sent me a letter in the mail telling me how sorry he was. He said he gets angry because of how much he loves me and how he thinks my husband is the wrong guy for me. He offered to pay $800 a month to help me out, like he promised he would do a long time ago. I don’t want him back in my life, but i know in order to get that money I would have to call him once a week, let him see my grades in college and listen to his “advice”. I rather never hear from him again, but I do really need the money. Im going to college next month and my husbands money from work barely covers our expenses. Im applying for food stamps and free health insurance to help us with expenses, but nothing is going to help like $800 a month can. What do you guys think I should do?

Answer

I would write him a letter and say you accept his apology and forgive him, but then I'd cut him out of your life. His behavior is going to continue, as it already has for your entire life. I understand if you want the money, but I feel like it's just a way for him to still have some control over your life, and I don't think it's worth it. You deserve to move on and be happy, to be emotionally stable and free of abuse.

Answer

Seems his money comes with strings attached that I wouldn’t want to deal with if I were you. Apply for financial aid. Yes, you’ll have some debt afterwards but that debt can be paid and you won’t have to deal with emotional abuse to get it. You can forgive as forgiveness is for you not for him, but I would always be super cautious if I were you.

Answer

Oh come on. You sitting here and telling us all the horrible things he did, but for $800 you willing to give in and talk to him. Seriously????  Why then you complaining. Money seems so important to you then over your abusive father. Maybe you should get a job and post pone school till you guys saved your self your own money.

Answer

hes trying to buy your love. its manipulative and controlling. do you have a job? if you dont then you should. is $800 really worth having him in your life so he can continue to abuse you? do you really want to be indebted to someone like that? the money isnt free.

Answer

Accepting the money would almost be like selling your soul. I could never allow someone that spit in my face, to be in my life! I don’t give a shit if it was my father. That’s disgusting that he did that to you and he doesn’t deserve another day with you in his life. He’s clearly fucked up and the only way he should be allowed in your life is if he’s been seeing a therapist/counselor for a year and has gotten on some type of medication. He sounds horrible and it’s not worth risking your sanity and marriage for a couple of hundred dollars. Struggle now, and I’m sure you’ll be happier later .. more than if you allow him back into your life.

Answer

forgive, but don't forget. he would not call you those names because he "loves" you.

Answer

Forgive him. It DO NOT take the money. You're a grown ass married woman. Time to take care of yourself and tour new family. 
You can't give your father any more control over your life he will just manipulate and abuse you again.

Answer

$800 would not be enough for me to deal with his toxic soul. Money doesn’t seem worth it. Just stay away from him and find another means of getting money

Answer

I would forgive him for your sake, cause holding grudges isn't good for you. But, I definitely wouldn't interact with him as much as you used to, and I wouldn't let him be a big part of your life anymore. My dad did me the same way, and I cut him out (now I only see him or speak to him once every 3 months) I'm so much happier that way! Put your own happiness first, cause even though he's "sorry" he will keep doing those mean and manipulative things. Best of luck to you girl!

Answer

He is not going to change. He doesn’t think he’s wrong and will continue to treat people horribly. This decision is on you. Do you want to be verbally and emotionally abused just to take his money? I’m sure he will find a way to throw that in your face eventually. And to be honest, since you decided to get married, it is you and your husbands responsibility to support yourselves. Not your dad. The choice is yours, but I’m sure you know which one is best.

Should I forgive my dad?

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