I’m suffering

Honestly I been so depressed this entire year. Nothing has gone my way. I tried to pray but I feel like God left me to cement in my horrible thoughts. I lost my only friend years ago but it’s just now starting to hit me. My boyfriend doesn’t get why I get so depressed so he just leaves me alone. I’ve been clean for about 3 years now but I can’t stop thinking about relapsing. I’m not okay but I have nobody.