Punched myself in the face

I lost it last night, i have a history of depression and suicidal thoughts and last night me and my boyfriend were arguing and i was already having a shitty day and he told me that he’s happy i Hvent gotten preg yet because I’m not mother material. This hurt me so bad because All i have ever wanted to be was a loving mother and i just starting crying and punching myself in the face, i left a fat bruise and he had to stop me and hold me down because i was ready to kill myself, it seems like and over reaction but that’s how it felt At the moment