In my feels😔

So, my husband just left to go to 29 palms and it’s our first time apart since we got married. Leading up to this I was slightly excited because AF is supposed to come while he’s gone. I was hoping that this time we actually conceived that way when he got back I would be able to have good news. After I dropped him off and cried for a little bit, I was so anxious to take a test. AF isn’t until Thursday so it’s very early, probably too early. The negative test still hurt me, though. I feel like every cycle I put myself through this and I’m driving myself insane. Part of me wants to give up, but part of me wants to keep trying. I’m just a big bundle of emotions😔