Am I being unfair?? Unemployed bf

Question

My boyfriend is unemployed. We had a huge fight over it because he’s been putting off getting a job and wouldn’t admit it. He finally said mentally he cant handle a job right now and I can either leave or be patient until he’s ready... He works side jobs to fill his car with gas and buy some food. I know he doesn’t have much money right now that’s for sure. I’m just tired of holding him up while he’s just being too lazy to find a job. Him not being able to hold a job has been a steady theme in the span of our 2 yr relationship. I pay for basically everything. I want to go grocery shopping but I feel obligated to buy him food too because I care about him. At the same time I feel like I’m enabling his actions by still helping out. Thoughts? I don’t want to be a bitch but I’m not his mom, this isn’t my job to take the burden.

Answer

Hi Holly. I'm sorry to hear that about your boyfriend. I agree with Mina that holding a job does show character and is very important in a relationship. 
If he mentally cannot handle having a job right now then I would suggest counseling to get back on track. If he is unwilling to seek counseling and will not seek a job, I do believe ending the relationship might be best. 
It's going to be really hard, but if he's unwilling to work and unwilling to take steps in that direction, it might be best to end things before marriage or kids get involved. While you want to be supportive, he needs to be supportive of the relationship too, and I highly discourage you going into debt if he stays unwilling to seek help. 
Good luck and God bless!

Answer

I’ve been through that so many times. It’s now a deal breaker. If you get fired or quit jobs without valid reasoning I’m out. I need stability and I also need to know that I’m not the sole provider... I know it probably sounds shitty but I mean... I was raised that your man is the provider... that’s just me.

Answer

Sounds like my ex. I waited around for five years for him to get a job and start contributing, getting myself into debt funding us both. It never happened. I eventually realised he just didn't care about working or bettering himself and left. Couldn't be happier now a few years later with my amazing husband and baby on the way :)

Answer

If he can work side jobs to fill the tank up then he can work a proper job even if its just part time hours. He is using you because you keep paying.

Answer

I would be super pissed off. You’re not his mother. Its not fair that you have to pay his way just because he can’t handle a job. Unfortunately that’s a part of life, everybody needs to go to work to get by. If he didn’t have you what would he do then? He needs to grow up.

Answer

Fighting and arguing won’t work. You need to stipulate a date and let that be the D day. Give him an ultimatum. 
Honestly, in my opinion, being able to find a job ( and hold on to it ) shows a lot about his character. .If this has been going on and off for 2 years, i have to tell you what you probably already know: there’s little chance he will change for good. 
I’d just leave, really. If you work hard for your money you deserve a man with the same values. 
Good luck.

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Would dump his ass pronto

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Well it’s a good thing he’s just your boyfriend, in a marriage and even a long term relationship it IS your job to take the burden. That’s how things work. He takes on your problems, you take on his. 
How is it lazy if he can’t mentally handle one at the moment ? Maybe you should talk to him about what’s going on that he feels he can’t handle it. 
If youre so unhappy and so unsupportive of him maybe you’d be best split apart

Answer

I have criteria when looking for a man - having a job is a pretty basic requirement lol xx dump his ass find a prince

Answer

Idk maybe I’m different and don’t know the whole story but if my so was out of a job I’d carry him and our family 110% if I had to. But you are also saying he doesn’t want find a job and I mean yea why would you wanna put in work if he isn’t even trying or wanting to try.

Am I being unfair?? Unemployed bf

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