scared to test

I honestly can't find the strength to take a test. Too much of me is like why even bother you know its negative. It's getting insanely hard to stay hopeful & quite honestly I'm tired of seeing everyone else get pregnant and not me. I'm sorry I know its wrong but I swear half these people shouldn't have kids... yet it's all I've ever wanted & for some dumb reason I thought it was gonna happen over night UGH. SORRY GUYS END OF RANT