Can I just vent?

I really just need to let some stuff out. We’ve been ttc for 10 months. So far nothing. Every month I track, BD, use Preseed, buy test after test even though I know they will be negative. When AF shows I get upset even though I knew it was coming. People keep telling me just don’t “try” and it will happen, “don’t think about it”. It’s really freaking hard to not think about. I say I want to give up but deep down I never will. Everyone says “It’s God’s timing, not yours” and I totally get that. But I just get so discouraged when I see others getting to announce their pregnancies and people get excited for them. I want it to be me.