anybody else Still battling depression?!?

my sons 9 months on the 7th and I have yet to get over the postpartum depression. I have a daughter who's 11 months older then him I went from one pregnancy to the other.

he was a preemie and was in nicu idk if maybe having to leave him in the hospital and me go home had something to do with It being worse then with my daughter or 2 pregnancies in a year was or maybe gaining so much weight this year. I honestly didnt think I would still be battling this. I feel so alone. I have my husband and my mom who support me but I honestly don't have any friends I can really hang out with, people I can talk to thats my age, nobody invites me to anything, I'm always alone, my husband does everything he can to make me special but he has to work which has me alone thru the day. please dont get me wrong I love my children with all my heart but its so depressing when the only people you talk too doesnt talk back to you... I just wish I could be myself again. I hate who I am. I only gained 15lbs with my son thru the whole pregnancy after I had him I losted 25lbs in the first month. I felt great best recovery anybody could ask for then I got the NEXPLANON. and I gained so fast it was unbelievable. I took it out after 3 months cause I had already gained almost 40lbs. I aint small to start with, my family has always been overweight. and very shaped.

I really think this has alot to do with my depression. idk what else to do. I cut down on eating. I'm taking diet pills from a weightloss clinic. (me. before kids, during pregnancy and 1 week after)

I'm active with my kids we do stuff everyday but I'm not loosing anything. I cry every day, I dont feel sexy whatsoever. I hate looking in the mirror I can see it in my face. I really think that all of this kinda came to a head after I had a miscarriage in early March. I was heartbroken and I just felt this deep sadness come over me.

people never ask me if I'm ok and truth be told I'm not! I'm so tired of feeling like I am in a daze everyday. and I know this is long but I really needed to get it out of me. I might smile but inside I feel like I'm falling apart. and it feels like nobody seems to see it or care! 😢 what can I do? I don't know how much I can handle of all of this. I have so many emotions going on! my kids deserve a happy mother but I can feel the depression getting worse! 😢 anybody going thru it bad too?!