Sooo I’m 19 about to turn 20 and I am still a Virgin. I’m not completely inexperienced i have done other things like oral and fingering (tried anal like once never again lol) and was even really close to losing my virginity but those guys were all hook ups and afterwards I’d feel shitty bc they just weren’t for me. This all happened last year and the reason I stopped meeting guys was bc I was pressured by this college hook up culture and after those 3 encounters I had w different guys I realized it wasn’t for me and I didn’t really enjoy it at all bc I felt no emotional attachment to any of them. I don’t regret it completely tho I’m glad I was able to explore, made me feel more comfortable w my body and now I know what I like. So fast forward to now... it has been more than a year I haven’t done ANYTHING (not even kiss anyone) and I’ve always had such a high sex drive but have been relieving myself by master bating but I just crave to know what 🍆 feels like 😩lol and I do think I’m ready to have sex it’s just now I don’t know the right person to do it with. Ideally, I always said to myself that if I was going to have sex I want to be in a relationship first just because hooking up is not my thing but that seems so impossible in college I can’t even go on a date without them expecting sex let alone trying to get these scrubs to wife me up lol 😂. Howeverrrr..........😬😬😬There is one guy he’s my friend and we’ve known each other and I really liked him for almost 3 years, I’m pretty sure he knows I like him but I remember a long time ago him mentioning that he didn’t wanna be in a relationship while he was in college which I understand. So currently we’re just friends and I don’t think he likes me which is fine I just came to accept that we will just be friends but the thing is I still really really like him. Like I even tried to cut him out of my life completely bc I couldn’t handle the frustration but he would keep on reaching out to me and constantly ask me why I cut him off like that until now we’re friends again. So yeah that’s kinda the stuff I’m dealing w rn it sucks but idk what to do. This friend he’s taking me out to this really fancy dinner sort of like a “thank you” for a favor I did him. Also, this is prob weird idk but I fantasize about him a lot and think about us having sex. So at this point part of me wants to just get my frustration out and just grab his dick when we go to this dinner and let him fuck me 😂 but then the other part of me is like “no u should wait until you’re in a relationship so you don’t get hurt”. Like One half of me just doesn’t care and wants him to f*** me hard and then the rational side of me says no bc I know I would get emotionally attached and hurt if it doesnt end up a certain way. I ’m so torn I really don’t know what to do and I’m such a tomboy I have like no real girl friends to get advice from u guys are like my family❤️😭. ******* P.S. speaking of me being slightly tomboyish I was thinking to just make him see me as someone who’s more than a friend by dressing really sexy but I don’t want to feel dumb at the same time any suggestions? Also I if u read all these long ass paragraphs u are a real one and I love u so much thank you all for ur advice 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽