Relationship

I am recently married, my husband deployed and he has been gone for about 4 months. we have been constantly arguing and things because I recently found out he has been lying to me about other women and he has been in contact with his exs. he says it's okay though cause some are now lesbians. thing is most of them are not I found out. He has had serious conversations about them loving him and things.

It's been very difficult and he has lied about girls staying over at the house while I was away at another state as well. for me the connection is not there, but I feel like maybe after the deployment it would get better. Then I found out he has been going to Juciy Bars without me knowing. then he finally admitted it and he has been drink way more then he ever has. when ever I try to talk to him he gets REALLY defensive.

I love him, but it's been getting really hard cause he no longer emotionally or eve sexually like we were connected. he doesn't like care anymore for videos or pictures. he has emotionally deprived me and told me I was not allowed to go out to any bars or anything on my 21st birthday. which I didnt, but that was frustrating so a girlfriend took me out. we went back to her house and he neighbors were having a party and they invited us over to celebrate and things. everyone was grinding on each other and it wasn't really my thing so i just played beer pong and met a guy. I was drunk so I was openly talking about everything, but also having a good time.

This guy was amazing and treated me very well. we were really connecting and he was a real gentlemen. He just asked me things and I got to know him, it emotionally felt good to feel interesting to someone and someone listening to me.

He had my phone that night apparently and got my cell phone number. the next day he contacted me and wanted to hangout, but I knew I couldn't cause I was already starting to like him and I messaged him that I didnt trust myself enough to be alone in a room with him cause I would then have made a stronger connection. However hours later he convinced me it would be okay and he wouldn't attack me or nothing, so I agreed and I would go over that night to watch a movie and have pizza.

That night we stayed in separate spots I had the bed he had the could and he made moves on me and pulled me on top. being wayyyy to caught up in the moment I went for it cause I was vulnerable and he was saying all the things I wanted to hear. We did it over 4 times in a row and I've never had that before. I've only had sex with three guys in my life and was always in a year relationship with them so this was a totally different situation i put myself into. which I assume he only wanted to have sex with me if he never contacted me again after that.

it was an amazing feeling and I feel like COMPLETE shitbag for that which I am. but I am really unsure where to go from here. I am unsure what to do or how to handle this disastrous situation I put myself into. I have no one to talk to. I have people who claim to be my best friend, but I know they would speed this everywhere. i just need advice i guess.

the sex and connection with this guy was absolutely amazing. I understand I'm a piece of shit so please dont comment it.

I just am super confused right now and also needed to get it off my chest..