My boyfriend is the most wonderful person I know.

So before we started dating, he and I became really great friends and he pretty much broke up with his then-current girlfriend because he was getting so close to me. We had both been talking for a month or so and I knew I had romantic feelings for him. Before we even talked I thought about how easily I could get along with and date someone like him and always imagined myself dating him. However, I was scared to pursue even friendship, especially since he was dating someone at the time.

When I found out about him breaking up with his girlfriend, I panicked like crazy because I had no idea how I was going to manage engaging in flirtatious conversation or anything of the sort. I talked myself down and decided he probably didn’t want to pursue anything and it was just coincidence. Things were normal and so were our conversations for a while. Slowly, things started to pick up. We were talking every night on the phone and he was always inviting me to hang out or play video games with him and he would use any and every excuse to talk to me.

At this point it settled in and I realized my suspicions from before were right. I panicked once again. And when I panicked, I decided to friend zone him. Hard.

We’re not talking a hinted friendzone or a straightforward but gentle friendzone, we’re talking the most asshole-ish friendzoning a human can manage. I couldn’t just tell him I didn’t want to talk to him or just wanted to be friends, but avoided him as much as possible, gave the most half-hearted shitty responses when I did respond, and aggressively called him “pal” for a week straight. The sheer stupidity of it all is that I did, in fact, still adore him. I wanted to be with him and he made me happy and he adored me and made me feel warm and important and loved, and it absolutely scared the shit out of me. Never in my life had I received that kind of affection from someone I adored so much romantically, and I had no clue how to even handle it. Somehow through all of it he pursued and kept trying to push through. I finally opened up to my friend about it and admitted that I was just really freaked out because I had this terrifyingly wonderful feeling that this person was going to be a lasting part of my life.

I knew it made shit for sense but I was such an anxious and inexperienced person that my immediate response was to cut all ties and retreat.

After a long conversation full of feeling stupid and lots of tears, I mustered up enough courage to call him and apologize. I apologized for being so horrid and for cutting him out and even admitted that I really really liked him a lot. God fucking knows why or how he stuck out my bullshit, but all I can say is that I am absolutely blessed to have been given the opportunity to even know ,let alone be with, this man. Since that day he learned how anxious and nervous I was, he did everything in his power to respect me and make me comfortable and give me time.

Examples;

He wanted to make everything special for me. He talked about the stars with me. Constantly. After the first ever “date” we had, which was a movie night at his house, he took me up a ladder to his roof to star gaze and asked if he could hold my hand. We talked about life and held hands and cuddled and listened to good music and I will never ever ever forget the details of that night.

He was wary of making me uncomfortable and asked me to be his girlfriend before he ever even kissed me. It was on the night of our homecoming dance, which he had invited me to, and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I told him I needed more time to think. He provided without hesitation, and let me know he could give me all the time in the world. We were official a few days later.

He took me to our favorite park and kissed me for the first time under the stars in the grass. It all just happened perfectly and he made sure afterwards that I was comfortable and happy. I was absolutely smitten. We sat on the swings and looked at the sky and talked and kissed some more.

This is seriously not even the half of it.

Never in a million years would I have expected to find someone as perfect and wonderful as him, and never in a million years would I tell you I somehow deserve it. I never thought I would find someone willing to put up with my anxiety and fears and hesitation, yet I was given someone who loves me through it all.

He’s my best friend and my soul mate, and I’ve never even believed in those.

We’ve only been dating for a year and a half now but I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Nobody gets me like he does and we are so in love it makes my heart ache.

I’m really sorry if this made you vomit (if anyone even read this all) but I’m also not because oof do I love him.

This is pretty much just me being all ooey gooey in a big ass paragraph.