what should I do next.... ?

I want to ask for help but I don't know how to or which words and in what order to say them. I feel so deeply heartbroken, so lost, so discarded, and so unloved. My kids (twins) are suddenly 13 years old and I don't know how to parent them properly, all of a sudden I don't know how to parent, this coming from a mum who once disagreed with 15 gp's and 5 hospitals that her son didn't have a 'benign' (non cancerous lump) and booked her four year old into surgery and it turned out to be 5cm x 5cm malignant cancerous tumour!! I was such a good mum, of little kids.. but adolescents are a completely different kettle of fish, they are really hard work and require a lot of patience and so much time, why are teenagers so negative? Little kids are not negative, what is going on with me??! The one thing I ALWAYS get right.. is parenting, now I feel useless and hopeless. Suddenly I am not happy, I'm always happy and optimistic, always!! But all of a sudden I feel numb, paralysed and frozen. My boyfriend of 4 years has gone psychotic and his mum is with him on house arrest (isolating him from the world and not talking to anyone about it) and we haven't spoken for 4 weeks, we usually speak everyday, we had a really big fight 4 weeks ago which is unlike us but not that unbelievable because he has bipolar and I have severe PTSD. His moods are pretty good and he takes his meds everyday but he can be difficult at times, I thought I was avoiding him while I moved into my new place 4 weeks but recently I reached out and he is flat out ignoring me (wtf!!?) the silence was nice in the beginning because I had so much going on with moving, and my kids come first, always, but now I miss him so much it feels like he has died (he hasn't) but it truly feels like he has died and is never coming back, I haven't finished my degree that I moved to this city to study, I don't know if I should study or work this year. I'm feeling so sad, his mum won't talk to me or anyone, he is ignoring me, why does it hurt so much? I don't know exactly what my problem is. I hate my new home and want to move back to my old house of four years but my landlord has moved back in to sell his property. I feel so incredibly lost and in so much pain, I just want it all to stooooooop!! Now!!