Advice??

Question

Okay sorry if this is a little long, I recently got back in contact with an ex of mine (bear with me) that I honestly did not really remember why we broke up almost 4 years ago. We were young and dumb at the time and it didn't work, I still have had feelings for him all this time in some form. Heres the kicker, he has a 2 year old kid, which currently only has joint custody of and his baby mama is all kinds of whack. Im only 21, hes 22, Im definitely not ready for a kid, but I really have deep feelings for this guy.  Any advice?? TIA

Answer

It seems to me you may be putting the cart a little bit before the horse. Are you actually dating or just talking? Dating someone with kids can be tricky  and both of you need to be on the same page of the seriousness of the relationship and where it’s going before you start introducing kids to each other and spending time with them.

Answer

Do you know the baby mama personally? I guess I'd be skeptical about assuming she's crazy or whatever based solely on what he says. From past experience, guys will say things to make it sound like they're over their ex, the ex is a nutter, the relationship was toxic and they want to move on, blah blah... But the reality is that he will ALWAYS share a special bond with her simply because they have a child together. Maybe all the aforementioned things are true. But many times those words hide other feelings. 
Consider my situation (one you definitely don't want to be in), my SO told me he wanted to move on from his ex, their relationship was nothing but fighting, he avoided going home all the time before he moved out because it was so bad. He wasn't eating or sleeping much for months (we were friends before and I was watching him lose weight and start prematurely greying from the stress). Fast forward over a year and a half later, we were living in a home we rented together, integrated our lives and children from previous relationships and were happily expecting another on the way. I was so excited for our family and future. This was my best friend, the guy I wanted by my side for life.
He decided to tell her about the baby before telling his son so they could be on the same page when it came to explaining. The next day, I came home to his bags packed and he's telling me she's still "the one." A month later, I deliver our son alone in a terrifying surgical suite because she wouldn't allow him to be there for the birth of his son. I now have a newborn with this asshole and have to share my child with him and subsequently her, once the custody battle is over. 
Now I am the "crazy ex" and considered an enemy, but I'm not entirely sure how it ended up that way. Probably because he told her whatever she wanted to hear to get her back or she wanted to make sure to destroy everything we ever had or would have for her own satisfaction.
I honestly don't see it working out for them (after all, I'm a baby mama too, we'll always share our child which will probably be a point of contention for them) and I can't wait to see how she chews him up and spits him out again. 💁
Granted, not all men or situations are like that. But what I'm saying is that things are not always what they seem. Be very wary of men with children from previous relationships and make damn sure to protect yourself and your heart while getting to know if he is for real or not. Sometimes the strongest feelings aren't enough to prevent unforeseen circumstances. Either way, I hope my experience provides a little insight on something that doesn't often get brought up. Good luck to you.

Answer

if the dad comes with the package and you can't deal with that and drama then move on find someone single and available save your time and his

Answer

if you know you don't want a kid and don't wanna deal with baby mama drama, why waste each other's time?

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