Jealous of trans folx on T

My partner and I are both NB trans masculine but I am going to carry our children.

(Please don’t give me advice about adoption or freezing eggs or

IVF

, those aren’t options for us)

I saw an endo and in order to get T you have to sign a document saying you are aware T could harm your fertility and I know I don’t want to risk that so my partner is medically transitioning without me.

(Also please don’t say you know many people who’s fertility it didn’t affect or that there aren’t studies, I’ve seen a few doctors who have all said every body reacts differently and there is no guarantee)

It feel like torture to watch them go through all the changes I want to go through but have to wait 7ish years for. It’s almost unbearable to be around them.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Jealous of someone close to you’s transition?