I am so torn. I have felt like this for years.

One part of me feels like okay, I guess I’m fine with living in a house in a suburb and getting married and we can maybe have kids and do all that homey stuff.

The other part of me wants desperately to go live in California and explore and try new things. Maybe do things like start a Youtube channel, write a book, meet like minded creative people. Become who I really am.

My fiance doesn’t know I feel this way. We’ve been having severe relationship issues and see a counselor, but I felt this way before things were bad.