TTC after losing a child


On March 3rd, 2018, I lost my daughter, Amelia. My due date was March 19th, so for her to come a little early was okay. I went through the labor and got my epidural..when the nurse put the catheter in, my water broke about 3 minutes later. So she checked to see how dilated I was and I was almost a 10..but she soon realized that it wasn't Amelia's head she was feeling. And as soon as those words left her mouth, Amelia's heart rate dropped from 157 to 42 but never went back up past 77. They tried flipping me all over the place, thinking there was a kink in the cord and that if I moved, it would un-kink. That never happened. They got it up to 77 and decided that was stable enough to unhook me from everything and get me to the OR, for an emergency c-section. Amelia was born at 6:34am. 7lbs 5oz and 21 inches long. She had a full head of hair and big chubby cheeks. But she passed away at 7:09am. They tried everything they could but she was born with no heartbeat. She had no pulse. She never cried. My sweet, healthy baby girl. I miss her every day but I want to give my love that I had built up for her, to another baby. I talk to her every night and tell her I love her and that I just want to be able to give my love and affection to her little brother or sister.