Boyfriend is addicted to... Tinder.


So this is weird to post. I think I already know what the feedback is going to be, but who knows. Here goes.

I met my boyfriend on Tinder. We have been together for almost two years (one month shy).

A couple months into our relationship, we were lying in bed and he was trying to show me something on his phone, he mis-clicked and I saw that he had Tinder installed. This was after we said we were exclusive and all that, so I was a bit shocked. He said he was using it to practice his German (we live in Germany) and generally just for meeting friends.

I was like... dafuq. But, okay. I knew he'd just come out of a really long relationship and this is his first relationship outside of a high school one (which is basically: you meet people through your classes). So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I let it go, I took some time and then I sat him down and was like: Tinder is for dating and hookups. Not for making friends. I'm not comfortable with you being on there if we are together. I have a bad history with this kind of thing and I'm not cool with it.

He apologised. He said he wanted to make this work and he hadn't realised. I congratulated myself on being an adult. We moved past.

But I kept catching him on Tinder. To the point that to date I have caught him on there about 10 times. Each time he promises not to do it again, says he loves me and then does it again.

To be clear: I don't think he's cheating on me. He's not sleeping with other people. I'm just not sure if I can be with someone who needs Tinder and validation like that. Especially after I've explained how much this hurts me. I've been on the floor crying, I've explained my self-Image problems all of it.

We have recently moved in together. It's not a situation either of us can comfortably afford on our own. I come home yesterday and the signs are there. I sit on the couch near his phone and he grabs it away. There's just this itch in me. He's always said I can look at his phone, that he has nothing to hide. Which is ironic considering he has had much to hide... But I just KNOW (two years in) that I'm going to find him on Tinder again.

My question: what would you do? I know he loves me. I love him. But I'm sick of being lied to, or at least him continually breaking his promise (for something to ridiculous like Tinder...). And I did tell him that if I found him on it one more time after we move in together that that's it. We are done.