Three weeks since second miscarriage

Alison, 🌈 👶🏻 born 7/26/19

Today is 3 weeks since my D&C.; I’m still healing emotionally of course. ....our first miscarriage was in December at our 9 week ultrasound when our baby should have been 9 weeks and measured 8 w 4 days. I had a D&C; a few days later. .... my obgyn said we could try again after one cycle... and with me being almost 39 we did... and I got pregnant again within 2 months... heart beat was strong at 6 weeks at our ultrasound ... we went back at 9 weeks and it was gone. I can say I’m healing, I’ve begun to see a therapist who deals with perinatal grief loss, I switched obgyns since my other one repeateldy told me it was “bad luck” and to just try again, even with my age and having two miscarriages! I also started seeing an RE for testing.... but I canthelp but be scared. Scared of turning 40 next year and never being a mom to more than just two angel babies. It really hurts to be going through this... especially a second time. I wonder sometimes if I should even bother with the testing and just try again after I get my cycle and hope for the best. I’m scared if we do the same thing could happen and then I’ll be even older , but scared if we don’t and wait until July that maybe I wont Get pregnant bc we waited three months after the D&C; and I won’t be as fertile. So either way I’m afraid. I feel like this is just a big nightmare I wish would end. My husband and I just dtd for the first time since before the miscarriage and it was emotionally painful to know that we can’t try now and we need to avoid getting pregnant whereas before it was all about making a baby. I’ve posted a lot on here recently and it helps to hear other women’s stories who are also older and have come out the other side. I don’t want to forget my babies but I also want to grieve appropriately and move on. I also hope and pray that I will be a mom someday sooner rather than later. Thanks for listening and baby dust to all.